The Problem

How the Courts Are Destroying Marriage?

Historically, the Church had primary authority over Catholic marriage. But, at some point, the Church lost authority over marriage at the time of divorce.  Now, civil authorities have absolute power over the marital contract and can “force” an end to a marriage — even without proving any gross injustice by one of the spouses. Unilateral divorce-on-demand has become the law-of-the-land in the U.S. — a reality that has taken a disastrous toll on families in this country.

The Church claims — in Canon Law — that civil authorities really have no power to end a Catholic marriage.  In essence, a Catholic divorce is handled in a bifurcated manner, whereby civil authorities handle divorce cases with no regard for the Church’s role in this sacrament, and then — after the divorce has been granted — Church authorities (Offices of ‘Defender of the Bond’ and ‘Promoter of Justice’) make a determination about the “validity” of the marriage.  In the eyes of the Church, a marriage may be deemed “valid” — intact — after a civil divorce has been granted, but by that time, the outward trappings of the marriage are gone — property has been assigned, finances have been allocated, and the children have been awarded to one of the parents. Civil authorities can readily proceed with dismantling the contract-nature of the marriage without regard to any role the Church originally played in the marriage.  After civil authorities have finally severed all legal ties via the divorce decree, Church authorities then begin an inquiry in order to determine whether an annulment is warranted for the individual wishing to remarry.  If an annulment is denied, that individual is not permitted to re-marry within the Catholic Church.

By all outward appearances, civil authorities have much greater power over a Catholic marriage than church authorities. At stake are all the things that belonged to “the family”, including the family home, personal property, family wealth.  These are divided up between spouses and the children are even awarded to one of the parents. What happens during the Church’s annulment process would be considered “mild” compared to the devastation wreaked by civil authorities.  

It is not clear when the “tipping point” took place that gave civil authorities greater control than the church over people’s lives and marriages. The Church in most other countries still maintains a greater say over Catholic marriages than in the U.S. In those countries, the Church can often leverage the decision-to-divorce by issuing an annulment-decision prior to the filing of a civil divorce. When the Church steps in beforehand, the decision-to-divorce may be forestalled.

In other words, there appears to be a vast difference between the way the U.S. Church handles marital breakups and the way the Church in other countries handles them.  Unfortunately, the question of how marriage in the U.S. escaped from the Church’s authority cannot be answered within this presentation — this question needs much further research. 

The purpose of this presentation is to point out the great need for immediate Church-involvement to confront the 40-year assault on marriage by this country’s diabolical court system – a system which now has unchecked power over the lives of families and individuals once one of them sets foot into the legal arena.

The unbridled power of “Officers of the Court” (judges and lawyers) to tear apart families and then divide up the spoils is a national atrocity operating as an open secret – a reality that is cleverly disguised because it’s been endorsed by lawmakers and it operates under the color of law. 

Most people are generally ignorant of how divorce works. But, education comes quickly once divorce papers are served!

A recent article – “Why Is the Church Abandoning Marriage?” — published on Catholic Exchange (an on-line news service), tells what happens to one Catholic man who sought help from the Church in his divorce case.  In the story, “Blair” pleads with several priests to help him stop the onslaught from the civil authorities — he begs church officials to intervene in some way. When a bishop in his Diocese finally promises to help him, Blair once again becomes hopeful, but in the end he’s devastated when he discovers he’s been abandoned once again and left to fend for himself at the final hour.

Blair’s case shows how the Church stops short of defending marriages — probably from fear of reprisal.  The recent abuse-scandal has left church officials fearful of any further controversy.

While the Catholic Exchange article provides a useful illustration of what too many people face — alone — the story also explains why so many Catholics find their faith shattered when priests and bishops refuse to help.

The U.S. has turned into the Annulment Capital of the world — where two-thirds of the Catholic world’s annulments are dispensed — a situation that is troubling to Our Holy Father.  A recent Associated Press article mentions books by both Robert Vasoli and Sheila Rauch Kennedy about the annulment problem in this country.

History of the U. S. No-Fault Divorce System

The 1960’s and early 1970’s were a time of intense social turmoil. This was the time of Vatican II reforms as well.  Other historic events included the civil rights movement, assassinations of national leaders, the Viet Nam War and its anti-war movement, women’s ‘liberation’, the birth control pill, Roe v Wade, experimental free-love lifestyles and drug-use, and a general dismantling of all social mores.  Woven into this social milieu was a growing push to ‘modernize’ divorce laws.  But news of this activity was eclipsed by all of the other high-profile events of the day.

Very few people protested when a single legislator championed California’s watershed no-fault divorce bill -- in large part because he himself was being sued for divorce and he didn’t want to face the penalties of his wife’s cruelty charge during the “fault”-based divorce era. As a lawyer himself, he was keenly aware that such a law-change would likely benefit his situation and he worked doggedly to change the old rules of divorce.

The California no-fault divorce bill was in its final stages when Ronald Reagan became governor and in 1969, he was persuaded to sign it into law. At the time, Republicans had control of both the California State Assembly and the Senate.  With a Republican stronghold in California at that time, (the Governor was Republican and the Assembly and Senate were Republican-majority) Republicans ultimately can take responsibility for the inception of our no-fault system, since California became the proving ground for other state law-changes.  Ironically, thirty years later, Republican-President George W. Bush is promoting a marriage-strengthening initiative — something that can only be viewed as a band-aid approach to repairing what was so badly damaged by previous Republicans. 

On a national level, there was a behind-the-scenes project, spearheaded by an national group of lawyers known as the National Conference of Commissioners of Uniform State Laws (NCCUSL) — a group, appointed by their respective governors, that met annually to write ‘model’ laws for the states to enact.

The lawyers spearheading this project had devised an entirely new and untested standard – Irretrievable Breakdown — that they believed would bring the desired uniformity.

This new ‘no-fault’ standard permitted one spouse to abandon the other spouse and exit the marriage without paying any penalty. This standard brought along with it a whole new process for handling divorce.  The old rules of “due process” were discarded so that the only requirement would be one spouse’s claim of unhappiness.

No-fault divorce – for those working within the system -- meant that one spouse could hire a lawyer (by paying the requisite retainer fee) and then be assured of obtaining the desired divorce.  Transcripts of the NCCUSL meetings speak of “safeguards”, which, in coded lawyer-language, meant that judges were mandated to sign the divorce decree — even those judges who might hesitate, or wish to offer another option to the couple. This lawyer group wanted to make sure that no marriage would escape intact, once one spouse filed for divorce.

Only when a spouse tries to wiggle his/her way out of the unholy grip of the legal system, does it become clear that the deck is stacked against him/her. He can use up the family savings to try to accomplish a different outcome but, in the end, it is pointless. In the end, lawyers are the only ones who gain financially. It’s an airtight system but few will learn this until they set foot into the trap and then, find it snap shut on them.

The Church’s seminaries do not teach priests about the workings of the family court system and also do not fortify its students with the kind of communication-skills that are necessary when working with marital crisis. The current divorce crisis cannot be fixed by simply improving the marriage counseling offered through Catholic Charities and other organizations — the problem is too massive and multi-faceted, needing many different responses.

The first step is to learn about and then acknowledge the sinister nature of this country’s divorce system -- that crushes families, rather than uplifts them.  The Church is needed to help defend Her families against unwanted divorce -- for the Church is the only institution that can stand up to this kind of civil assault. 

Training priests, counselors, and others, to respond more effectively to marital-crisis work is important, but it’s even more important to obtain the moral backing of the Church in order to halt the legal onslaughts that come in so many forms —  unwarranted “No Contact” restraining orders, eviction from homes, forced financial payments for court-ordered psychiatric evaluations, visitation and child support orders.  These are the kinds of legal fire-power used by the court system to intimidate and terrorize individuals who will not go willingly to their own executions.  Those finding themselves caught in a divorce action, can even be subject to a malady called “legal abuse syndrome”, where they suffer post-traumatic-stress syndrome from the fear of further legal attack, since judges use the threat of incarceration to achieve compliance with their court orders. 

Some even claim that the Sacrament of Marriage has been turned into a Trojan Horse — that individuals are actually put in harm’s way when they take their marriage vows, for this act allows the state to invade their family at that time that trouble arises.

Painting such a grim picture of this government’s handling of the sensitive matter of marital distress is scoffed at by some.  But, ask those who have been through a civil divorce process. And, ask them what the experience does to their faith when their pleas for help are ignored and they are abandoned by the Church.
 

 The Solution

The primary purpose of this presentation is to educate Church leaders about the crisis of no-fault “forced” divorce in this country.

Educating leaders about both the origin of this problem as well as the nature of the destructive civil process is a crucial first step. Changes to traditional divorce laws were too-often driven by baser motives that were cleverly disguised as high-minded ideals.

To offer a solution to this problem is presumptuous on the part of DHM.  We are an apostolate advocating for Church-involvement at the time of marital crisis.  Our personal experiences have led us to be catalysts for change.  Countless families must be spared the heartache that the current legal process inflicts.  We ask that the Church take up the banner and respond to this national disaster. Lay-level ministries must be instituted nationwide, backed by Church officials, that will offer “hope, courage, and direction” to those facing a legal assault during the time of a disintegrating marriage.  With these things in mind, we offer the following suggestions about how to begin addressing this societal crisis.

Step 1 — Reclaim Primary Authority

The Church must re-claim primary authority over Catholic marriages by becoming the First Response at the time of a marital crisis.

Pope Leo XIII's Encyclical Arcanum clearly states that civil authority was never given power over marriages.  But somehow this reality is being ignored, since civil authority now has primary oversight over marriage in the U.S.A.

The office of Defender of the Bond could be activated sooner — not relevating the work of this official merely after the divorce is finalized. While the role of Defender of the Bond is now only utilized in the annulment process, this office should defend marriages facing attack from the civil system, upon request. The marriage bond must be defended prior to a civil divorce.

Step 2 — Establish a Protocol

In order to move the Church back into the role of the “primary authority”, Church officials need to design a Protocol that can be replicated throughout the country – a protocol that receives civil recognition.  This protocol must include an intervention into the civil process to advocate for the marriage and give time for a reconciliation process to be explored. The Church’s role must be more than just a legal block to civil divorce but a compassionate advocate for marriage..

The Church must become primary care-giver for ailing marriages taking over official oversight at this traumatic time. Putting the Church in control is essential because the court system is openly hostile to marriage and even blocks attempts at reconciliation. The current revenue-generating Divorce Industry is a $250 Billion a year enterprise.  Lawyers specializing in divorce-work will undoubtedly resist being cut off from this revenue stream.

A protocol must be established that can be used within each diocese – a set of procedures — that will direct individuals to emergency help and protect them from the onslaught of civil authorities.

When problems in a marriage become unbearable – such as when one spouse wants to leave, or has already left.  When one of them has consulted a lawyer this should trigger an even greater urgency.

The “abandoned” spouse needs to know that he/she can call the parish office to find help.  Or both spouses together can contact the parish office to seek help for the problems they face.

The priest should have a working knowledge of the protocol and any help that is available.

Step 3 — Train Personnel

Once the pastor/parish office refers individuals to the Family Life Office, trained personnel must be ready to receive them.

A trained intake worker at the Family Life Office will be the “first contact” and this person must be ready to assign help and direct them to a specialist.  The specialist would function like a “triage nurse” in the hospital emergency room, in order to sort out the issues and assign the case to the appropriate help. The specialist will need to determine how serious the situation is and then “stop the bleeding” —  begin offering “hope, courage, and direction” to the trauma victim.

This Office will have a list of trained mentor couples who are prepared to get involved.  Other resources can be assigned as needed, since some parishes might not have mentor couples ready to serve.  Other services, such as Catholic Charities counselors, may be assigned.  Mediators trained in communication skills will play an important role in unraveling the conflict. Each case will need individual “triage” intake in order to assess the level of crisis and also, what is needed.  The first goal is to provide “hope” to the trauma victim. 

Most of all, a compassionate response is needed for those in crisis –  that is the foundation for all responses –  a compassionate approach from the “first responder” is as important as having the needed skills.

The key predictor of marital problems is communication breakdown along with poor conflict resolution skills. But these skills can be learned.

The Pontifical Council for the Family gave good direction in "Conclusions of the 15^th Plenary Assembly" in Rome October 17-19, 2003 stating:

Formation for pastoral care of marriages

This demands specific pastoral attention, with the involvement of priests and laity. Pastoral care requires a concentration of reflection and formation at the parochial and diocesan levels. Pastoral care will be prepared by a satisfactory formation of future priests in the seminary.

Three aspects of this pastoral action can be distinguished:

• - to prevent;
• - to accompany;
• - to reconcile and to start over again.
   

 One must insist on the prevention of these situations, hence on the prevention of separation and divorce in themselves.  

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Annulments are not the solution to the problem of marital difficulties.  An annulment can never bring healing to a valid sacramental marriage. The Catholic Church and the Popes have declared that marriage is indissoluble, and this teaching must be defended and protected above all.  Reconciliation must always be the goal, no matter how far apart the two spouses have drifted.